I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
