i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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