I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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