she was so not down for the gang bang
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
