The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love you. Go after that dick
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
