You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
