It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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