so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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