I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
