sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
