id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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