Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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