Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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