After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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