proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
