i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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