i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
