My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
