did you get engaged???
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
