So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
that is very illegal...i love you.
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