Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is wine microwaveable?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
