glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
