I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
