I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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