and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
