Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
