It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
dude. I can hear the air.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
