Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
