I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
