How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
