Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
