Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
