remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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