Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
