Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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