i will never coherently bang her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
