What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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