he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize