I wanna passion pit in your ass
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
