All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i think my cat just said my name.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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