My first STD was from a foam party
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
