kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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