I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
