I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize