My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
