No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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