Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize