She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
