we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
