Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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