Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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