I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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