I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
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If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
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WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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