You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Are we still banned from the library?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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