I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
