i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
