return my video game
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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