That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's the barista slut.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
