I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
