Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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