and you said cock pushups were impossible
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
