Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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