Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
