you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
