A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
