I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
