i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
