before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
