Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
