Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
