So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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