Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
