His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
True strength comes from lack of pants
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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