Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
