I want to have your abortion
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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