Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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