I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
